“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise” (Ephesians 6:2).

ONCE UPON A TIME there was a little old man. His eyes blinked and his hands trembled; when he ate, he clattered the silverware distressingly, missed his mouth with the spoon as often as not, and dribbled a bit of his food on the tablecloth. Now he lived with his married son, having nowhere else to live, and his son’s wife was a modern young woman who knew that in-laws should not be tolerated in a woman’s home. “I can’t have this,” she said. “It interferes with a woman’s right to happiness.” So, she and her husband took the little old man gently but firmly by the arm and led him to the corner of the kitchen. There they set him on a stool and gave him his food, what there was of it, in an earthenware bowl. From then on he always ate in the corner, blinking at the table with wistful eyes. One day his hands trembled rather more than usual, and the earthenware bowl fell and broke. “If you are a pig,” said the daughter-in-law, “you must eat out of a trough.” So, they made him a little wooden trough, and he got his meals in that. These people had a four-year-old son of whom they were very fond. One suppertime the young man noticed his boy playing intently with some bits of wood and asked what he was doing. “I’m making a trough,” he said, smiling up for approval, “to feed you and Mamma out of when I get big.” The man and his wife looked at each other for a while and did not say anything. Then they cried a little. Then they went to the corner and took the little old man by the arm and led him back to the table. They sat him in a comfortable chair and gave him his food on a plate, and from then on nobody ever scolded when he clattered or spilled or broke things. (a Grimm’s Fairy Tale)

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12).

We are in a series on the Ten Commandments. This fifth commandment is given twice in the Old Testament (Exodus 20:12, Deuteronomy 5:16) and five more times in the New Testament gospels of Matthew (15:4, 19:9), (Mark 7:10, 10:19), and Luke (18:20). There are no exceptions given for our obedience to this command, even for absent or bad parents. This is quite interesting, especially in our culture today of honoring our children at the expense of adults, and in our experiences of loss of traditional family structures. Of course, we are to care for and raise our children well; and the rule in my day of “children should be seen and not heard” may be a little too harsh. However, the western culture of promoting youth at the expense of our elderly is clearly not biblical. And it is short-sighted, because we will all be getting older one day, if we live long enough. This commentary is not meant to be self-serving. It is meant to enlighten us to the dangers of not following this command and to the blessings when we are obedient.

As Paul says in Ephesians, this is the first commandment with a promise. Moses says to honor your father and mother so that you may live long in the land God is giving you, so that it may go well with you. Jesus says to honor your father and mother so that you will not die. That gets my attention!

What does it mean to honor?

• It means to respect the position, the role. Even if the person in the role is not worthy of respect, we should respect the purpose that God gives to fathers and mothers and do what we can to uphold it, to learn, to teach, to model godly fatherhood and motherhood.

• It means to love our fathers and mothers. Some parents are easy to love. However, for many, growing up was not idyllic. Loving will be a challenge. Regardless, Jesus teaches us “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). That does not mean that we should put ourselves in danger or subject ourselves to any type of abuse. However, as Paul writes to the Corinthians: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) And “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

• It means to seek wisdom from our elders. Who of us is not wiser than we were 5, 10, 20 years ago? We have much to learn from our elders and we will shortchange ourselves and those who come after us if we do not intentionally seek to learn from such a valuable resource. And to those of us who are “elders,” (and if you live long enough you will be an elder, too) we should strive for wisdom. Read Titus 2 for more on this subject.

One of Nashville Rescue Mission’s Core Values is Culture of Honor. “We honor those that have laid the path before us and bless those that labor among us, as we embrace the future ahead of us.” That kind of says it all.

If you have a belly button, you have a mother and a father. If you are a believer, you have a Heavenly Father, a good, good Father who loves you, who is perfect in all His ways. Let us honor Him above all with our obedience to His Word.

In Christ,

Judy