I have very recently been impacted by the sinful actions of someone close to me. (In case you wonder, this has nothing to do with anyone here at the Mission.) I know that the sinful action was not intentionally directed at me, but it did affect me with potentially deep repercussions.

The person who sinned asked me for forgiveness, and I freely gave it because I know that is the right thing to do. I will not hold this action against this person. I have experienced far too much grace in my life to withhold it from others. However, I have spent quite a bit of time pondering over my response, because even though I have forgiven, I can’t forget, nor do I believe I should.

First of all, forgiving does not mean condoning. I have already been clear with the person about that. I’ve talked through the circumstances that caused the sin to occur and how to avoid it in the future. Because this person is a dear friend and fellow believer, it is my responsibility to hold them accountable for actions that lead to sin. I will do that lovingly, and I’m grateful for a relationship that will allow us to do that.

Second, forgiving does not mean that there are no consequences. In this case, that is mostly beyond my scope anyway. Consequences will be forthcoming. Where I believe my responsibility lies is in not allowing this person to feel they are the victim of the consequences or that they somehow are being wronged when the consequences result. That is the human response, but would negate the healing and reinforcing effect of those consequences. This is difficult. Because I care for this person, I prefer to commiserate with them, but that would not be helpful; however, under no circumstances do I want to appear unloving. So I must remain prayerful about how I deal with this.

Third, and perhaps most importantly for me, I can’t assume that I have no guilt in this situation, even though to all I appear as a totally innocent party. In fact, on Saturday during my prayer time I had spent special time asking God to convict me of my sins—to open my eyes to where I need to change. Then on Sunday my pastor preached about complacency which I believed to be God answering my prayer, and then Monday I find out about the incident. I believe that in all this, God is also answering my prayer for conviction and discernment. We all sin. Some of us get caught and are forced to deal publicly with the sin. Others of us seem to escape those consequences. That doesn’t mean that we should be “off the hook.”

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)

So this is a complicated situation. It is still fairly fresh. I am trying to learn from it and to allow God to work through me. I do trust that “…in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).Although this is very personal, I pray that it will be helpful for you. I welcome your thoughts and prayers.

Blessings,

Judy